Mad Men: On Betty Draper

I'm working my way through Mad Men, and so far, I really like what I see.  The setting is awesome, but what's really kept me watching are the characters.  I think they're very deep, complex, well-written, and flawed.  And there are characters I love, like Joan and Megan.  There are ones I loathe, but does anyone actually LIKE Pete Campbell?  And there are some I find myself oddly indifferent towards (Peggy).  I told myself I would get completely caught up on the series before I wrote anything about any of the characters.  I mean, I at least like to get to know someone before I completely assassinate their character in the written word.  Just ask my ex-boyfriends! (GUYS THIS IS A JOKE)

I think Betty Draper (or Francis, whatever) is exempt from this rule.  Her role in the series diminishes significantly, and I wouldn't be surprised if she's completely written out by the end of this current season.  Betty is interesting and complex, she just isn't very likeable.  At all.

In the first season, Don comments that being married to Betty is "being married to a little girl."  It isn't a very nice thing to say, but Don isn't exactly known for saying nice things, and he has a point.  Betty isn't at all mature emotionally.  I really don't want to call her a bad mother, because I say this with decades of progress in parenting influencing my call, but slapping your daughter in the face, locking her in the closet, and letting her play around with a bag over her head seems like a series of bad calls that sort of defines Betty's character.

Betty's emotional immaturity stems from her having been taken care of her whole life.  First by her parents, then by Don, then by Henry.  When she did work, she was a model. Her job was to stand around and look pretty.  Betty has spent her whole life being told what to do and never really having to make a decision for herself. There's part of me that feels sorry for her.  After all, she's a housewife in the 1960s.  She's stuck in a marriage with a man who cheats on her, and at first I found her almost Feminine-Mystique-esque.  Now... now not so much.

We see a HUGE transformation in Betty by season 2.  She's gone from bored, tragic housewife to insufferable bitch.  The other characters, all of whom are hugely flawed, at least have some redeeming qualities.  Betty loses these.  I mean, if there was a gun to my head and I had to try to figure out one of Pete's good qualities, I'm sure I could. 

Betty is what I expected upper-middle-class, white women to be in her time.  The model wife for a man like Don Draper.  The definition of a trophy wife.  And we start to see how unfulfilled she is.  She was obviously raised with the mindset that if you can land a good (or at least rich) man, your life will be easy.  Nowhere in there did it say you'd be happy.  And in this sense, I feel sorry for Betty.  Yes, she's emotionally stunted, but she's also treated like a child by pretty much everyone around her. 

One thing I find particularly fascinating is the relationship with Betty and her mother, and then the relationship between Betty and Sally.  At the beginning of season 1, we learn that Betty's mother died three months prior to the first episode.  We never really see her grieving, but we get some insight into how Betty was raised.  Her entire self-worth is placed on her image.  Her mother says and does downright cruel things to her, and Betty is the good daughter and lets it happen.  Her mother was probably just like her.  And when we see her try to apply the same treatment to Sally, Sally rebels.  This isn't something Betty is prepared to handle.

I think we're already beginning to see the beginning of the Betty Breakdown.  We've established that the one thing Betty values most in the world is the way she looks.  And how do you break a WASPy, ice-queen down?  Make her fat.

Betty's dissatisfaction with herself and everything is starting to manifest, and I'm anxious to see what the writers are going to do with her.

On Mad Men...

It's taken long enough, but I've finally started watching Mad Men.  I was hesitant to get into it, but I'm a huge fan of Christina Hendricks, and it's popular enough to be a good small-talk piece.  There's a lot of small-talk in Washington.  Sometimes it's nice not to have it be about politics.

If you haven't seen last Sunday's episode, I'm not going to spoil it for you.  It was the first Mad Men episode I'd seen in a long time, and I remember thinking through most of the episode "Man, Don Draper is kind of a douche."  But here's the thing.  I think that's the appeal of Don Draper.

There's been a phenomenon that I've observed recently.  I'm going to call it the Rise of the Man Child.  I think everyone's encountered one.  They're portrayed in films such as Knocked Up as being kind of heroes.  I think Judd Apatow has pretty much made a career off this genre. I mean who wouldn't want to be these guys?  They get to sit around all day, smoke pot, play video games, and they always end up somehow getting a girl that's way too hot for them.  And she is totally into them.

Sounds like the life, right?  Being in a state of perpetual adolescence means you get to cleverly avoid all the responsibilities of going to college, graduating, getting a job, and contributing anything to society.  You can be a twenty-four-year old male with a weird obsession with My Little Pony and this is considered normal...ish, anyway.  Want to stay up until four in the morning playing video games with your bros?  Go right ahead!  Keep count of how many beers you can shotgun while you're at it.  That's really appealing.

So I got to thinking about Don Draper, and I remembered reading an article that named him the most influential man of 2009.  Don Draper is a hugely flawed character-- he's a chain-smoking, overworked, alcoholic who is constantly cheating on his wife.  A lot of times on the show, he comes across as being (technical term here) "kind of a douche."

Yet so many men out there want to be him. 

Why?  And why do so many women want him?

I'm a dyed-in-the-wool feminist, and I will freely admit that I find the Don Draper character pretty damn appealing.  And I will tell you why:

Don Draper is a man.

I understand the appeal of wanting a man who will share his feelings with you.  I do.  And there is a lot to be said about emotional openness in a relationship.  Yes, Don Draper is an island that is totally sealed off.  But he is in control.  He ACTS like a man.  He's not obsessed with comic books.  He doesn't piss time away on stupid shit.  Don Draper exists to contrast the Man Child.

My friend Rich summed it up pretty well.  "Men want to act like boys, then get mad when women don't treat them like men."

And this PostSecret makes a good point too: